I'd appreciate your comments on this poem.?

You use a lot of interesting words but some of them lose their impact because they sound lacking in sincerity." A transparent heart can't hide it's blackest wish" is good but " all the pain was agonizingly simple" is an awkward and clumsy use of words. "Storm clouds of redemption" sounds like a contradiction in terms. "Blindfolded by the eyes of hate" is a good metaphor. The last verse is not so bad. you are on the right track but keep playing with words and your thoughts will gel and work more smoothly for you.